Question: My wife and I grew up with dogs and want our young children to have the same experience. What are your thoughts about rescue dogs and kids, and training them to have a successful relationship?
Answer: Your kids and your new dog are foreign to each other, and kids have a lot of ideas and expectations on what it will be like to have a dog. Can remember when you got your first dog as a child? I am sure you were excited and exuberant, however, not all dogs can tolerate how energetic children can be. The main thing to do when bringing any dog to live with children, rescue or not, is to remind your children that the dog is not a toy. If you have young kids, you are going to have to work with the kids on being sensitive about how their own behavior impacts the dog. I remember working with a client who called me because his miniature Siberian husky was very aggressive toward kids. We came to find that the breeder kept the litter of puppies as in the same playpen as their own toddler. The toddler was grabby and scary toward the puppies, which in effect, made the dogs associate all kids as a source of pain. They were preemptively aggressive toward kids in self-defense. We want to make sure this won’t happen to you too. Often times preventing a problem is easier than solving it.
So how about taking the opportunity of having a new puppy and turning it into a game of Simon says where you teach your kids to listen to your guidance as far as interacting with the puppy. When you see that your kids might be too much and the puppy is either getting over bitey or fearful, you can use the game to give the dog the opportunity to have some space to they can reboot their system. That way, the dog will actually look for interactions with the kids, instead of being bombarded with tons of physical contact like being picked up, grabbed and hugged by a kid that they just met.
In order to make sure that your dog absolutely adores your kids, have them give the dog all the things that your dog associates with pleasure, such as: food, walks, being on the couch, etc.
How much fun would it be to empower your kids and show them they are actually wonderful dog trainers in Beverly Hills? Show them how to practice “sit” and play the come game (which is a hide and seek game). This will help both your children and your dog build a true and rewarding friendship.
Question: I foster and re-home Jack Russell Terriers. Right now I have issues with two dogs in the house. My permanent resident NON-dominant male Buckeye, likes to growl when anyone comes near me. But I have a pretty gregarious male puppy foster named BB who loves to be near me. The minute Buckeye growls to keep him away from me, BB growls and goes all teeth barred. He wasn’t able to fit in to his last home due to spats with the resident dog. He just has no filter and won’t back down. I try to assert the hierarchy. Buckeye gets fed first, treats first, couch and bed space, and BB comes last. But it still doesn’t seem to faze Buckeye. I have never seen Buckeye this way around a dog. He will chase me while I’m holding BB and try to jump and bite at him. Do you have any advice?
Answer: There are two issues here: Buckeye doesn’t like anyone coming near you, and he doesn’t like BB. When you look at the 7 Core Needs that Buckeye has, you have clearly addressed the need for Hierarchy, but the Need that Buckeye still a strong Need for Certainty/safety.
I have to tell you that I often see that adult dogs simply can’t stand a gregarious puppy. They do not find them cute but rather annoying and overbearing. I immediately teach the puppy “Leave It”, and give him oodles of rewards and praise for it. I insist that the puppy will learn manners around adult dogs, which will help him when he gets adopted. It usually takes a couple of days and they learn it. If the puppy ignores the request to “Leave It”, I’ll spray him with a little water bottle. After all, it’s better to be a little wet on the face than to get bitten by another dog. If Buckeye can feel that you are helping him to get the puppy off him, he won’t have to resort to intense aggression. After all, the poor guy is doing all he can to communicate to the puppy that he doesn’t like being bothered. I bet that’s what took place at his previous home. We all feel at times that we need some space from others at times.
Going back to Buckeye – now that you got the puppy off him, the question you want to ask yourself is – How can I make Buckeye associate any dog coming near me with immense amounts of Pleasure? Create a Love Map for Buckeye, where you list all the things that give him immense joy, and make sure that he gets them ONLY when there’s another dog next to you. You may need a second person giving him all those things while you interact with the puppy for dog training in Los Angeles. The moment you stop your puppy interaction, the Love Map items stops as well.
Do it in short bursts, until Buckeye picks up the pattern.
To help him with the stress of adjustment, you can try to give him a natural de-stresser called “Rescue Remedy”, which you can get at the health food store.
Question: The first time we rescued a dog we realized later that we made a lot of mistakes from the very first day, especially in giving the dog too much freedom to explore our home. What are your tips for someone who has just rescued a dog, what they need to do the first day?
Answer: Before you even get the dog, have a family meeting and discuss what the doggie rules are such as: is being on the furniture allowed or not, where is the bathroom area, and what schedule will the dog be on?
You don’t want to treat your new rescue as a victim, as it can lead to not giving the dog structure, and we all need to understand the ways and the manners of the society that we live in. As you have found out, too much freedom is not a good thing. A dog, rescue or not, is a foreigner to your home. You will actually make it easier for him to understand and have manners if you will start slow and let him have only a part of the home to explore, so he can learn the rules little by little.
Get him a couple of good Chew toys to occupy him and teach him how to entertain himself, and a couple of good Play toys to play with you. If possible, ignore him when he’s asking for attention in an annoying way (like barking), and reward him when he’s shooshing(being quiet). Think long term – what behaviors would you like to see gone and what would you like to see getting stronger? Make conscious decisions according to what behaviors you reinforce. Remember that even negative attention is reinforcement.
Even if you made tons of mistakes starting on the first day, it’s never too late. It’s ok for you to change the rules, as long as you make the new rules a source of Pleasure. For example: if up until now you allowed your dog on the bed and you don’t want it anymore – teach your dog to “go to bed” in his dog bed, and every time he’s there, you’ll toss him gold-level treats that he would get no other time. Start by placing the dog bed on your bed, and later move it to the floor. The further away from your bed the dog bed is, the better the treats he will receive. It will take time but it’s doable 🙂
Question: My husband and I plan to rescue a German Shepherd mix, but when we started discussing training we realized we did not agree. He wants to show the dog he is the leader of the pack, but I want to start with more positive training methods. What do you suggest?
Answer: The good news is that you both can get your wish. There are two types of leaders: the Saddam Hussain type who governs through fear, or the Gandhi /Nelson Mandela type leadership, where they empowered the people in their country to emancipation and end of apartheid. Let him watch the movie Gandhi as well as read my book “30 Days to a Well Mannered Dog”. It’s so much more powerful when the dog looks at his daddy and asks himself, “How did I get so lucky to have him as my leader?” than to have a dog who avoids him and listens only because he’s afraid. There’s a saying I read that says that “real power is shared not forced”, and I full heartedly believe in it. I hope your husband is courageous enough to have your dog be all that he can be as well as your husband’s raving fan 🙂
Question: I do a lot of fostering. When I have foster dogs in house, my 11-year-old dog wants them gone. Once they leave, he is like Velcro and super needy, wanting to play all the time. Is there anything I can do to help him relax?
Answer: It is benevolent of you to take fosters dogs home. I wonder if your 11-year-old dog is feeling that he’s pushed aside when a foster dog comes home? As you need to give the foster dogs so much love, and he’s expected to understand that he must take a back seat. He probably feels that some of his 7 Core Needs aren’t being met when the foster dogs are there, and he becomes resentful towards them and needy with you.
Please make a “Love Map” for your dog and write down the ways in which you can meet all his 7 Core Needs at a high level, especially when you have foster doggies at home. Make him associate these foster dogs with immense sense of Pleasure and not what he feels right now, which is a sense of loss. BTW, The Love Mapping works for people as well.
All dogs have Core Needs just as all people have Core Needs: the need for connecting with another being, the need for certainty and predictability, the need for mental stimulation (you can read about the 7 Core Doggie Needs on page xx), and up till now your dog was getting all of his Needs met by you, when you were physically present.
So we need to change two things:
1. We can show your dog that he could meet his Core Needs by other sources other than from you – you could sign him up for a reputable doggie daycare, one that does not do “naps”, where they lock the dogs up, even if it’s in some fancy suits, and instead let the dogs play with each other while supervised all day. You can also sign up your dog to go on nature hikes if it’s available in your area. He’ll come home with his core Needs satiated.
2. Set up time for “together” time and them reinforce the NO MORE rule. Many dogs don’t have an “off” button. It’s crucial to say NO MORE at the end of any activity that your dog does – when they are done eating, say NO MORE, when you are done playing Fetch or Tug or War, say NO MORE, at the end of a walk, etc. You get my point? If needed, say it in a firm voice and close the door behind you if you need to make the point. The key is to give good amount of time for your dog to have a mental and emotional engagement so his Core Needs are met, and then you have the right to say NO MORE. What you don’t have is the right to expect your dog to have no Core Needs.
It’s tough for people to handle change, and we see it most with toddlers. If you were the fun parent and now you were home all day, your kid would have thought that it is all about fun all day. Dogs are just like toddlers when it comes to emotional understanding, and it’s up to us to find ways to meet their Core Needs in a way that works better for us.
A Dog’s 7 Core Needs
Any behavior that a dog does is in order to meet a Core Need. They can do it in a way that we like or in a way that we don’t like. People are the same way – A man might meet the Need for “connection” by joining a church or by joining a gang. This is an example of a good way and a bad way to meet the same Core Need. Whenever a dog is “misbehaving”, it is simply their attempt to get at least one Core Need fulfilled. Our job as dog-parents, is to understand what Need they are trying to meet, and find a better way for them to meet that Need. You can’t expect them to just “drop” that Need, like the need for physical stimulation/games with their own species.
Whenever a dog is misbehaving it is simply his attempt to get at least one Core Need fulfilled. Our job is to understand what Core Need the dogs is trying to meet and find a better way for him to meet that need. You can’t expect them to just drop that need.
The 7 Core Needs are not in order of importance. The order is personal to each individual dog. One dog might have Mental Stimulation and Variety at the top of his Core Needs list, whereas another dog might have Predictability and Connection at the top of his list.
You can make what I call a Love Map for your dog by making a list of all the things that give him immense joy and ranking his own Core Needs in the order of importance to him. Then do your best to meet the highest-ranking needs in ways that are acceptable to you.
For instance, a dog might try to meet his need for Physical Stimulation by digging in your garden; regular daily exercise in the form of jogging or off-leash fetch at dog training in Beverly Hills is a better way to meet your dog’s need.
The 7 Core Needs are not in order of importance. The order is personal to each individual dog:
1. Security/Certainty/Predictability
2. Excitement and Surprises/Variety
3. Companionship
4. Love and Connection
5. Mental Stimulation
6. Physical Stimulation/Games
7. Understanding the Hierarchy
